By Toni James
October 2000
This powerful and wonderful story was written by a born-again, former Multi-generational Satanist who still at the time of her writing her testimony struggles with walking/living in the straight and narrow path with The Lord Jesus, but has not returned to the old life of multi-generational Satanism. This story is graphic of her life as she best remember in the Kingdom of Darkness as a multi-generational Satanist whose family for thousands of generations have served Satan and his demonic devils for as far back as the family bloodline went. She lived among us, yet she was never seen. The Most High God desires for you to hear the silent cries of this precious spiritual creation call spirit man living inside of a dirt body who had to survive a life of horror and death. Toni, is not her real name, and is being used for her protection. She did not freely choose the life as a multi-generational Satanist, but found a way to survive.
Toni’s story is graphic, but real and true. I was allowed by God, The Most to meet Toni and minister to her for many years. Please allow the Lord to open your spiritual heart/mind of the reality of precious spiritual children who are living as Toni was and still are, a life of torture beyond human understanding for the pleasure and purposes of Satan to fulfill His Heart’s desires, His Will on earth for His Kingdom of Darkness.
This precious human spirit called Toni was loved so much by The Most High God, that He sent His only begotten Son, Christ Jesus – His Living and Expressed Image and Likeness, His Word Made Flesh, gift wrapped in a body of earth/flesh to pay the spiritual price for Toni’s sins and to free her/redeem her/get her back from her spiritual bondage and slavery to Satan and his demons and from the Judgement of Death from the Sin of Rebellion that was Toni’s nature and image, and likeness, a adversary of God and His Agape Love. The Heavenly Father loved Toni so much and desired to free her from a life of the fear of death and the brokenness of her spirit and mind.
Hello, my name is Toni James and I wanted to share my story with you. I struggle every day to walk this walk called Christianity, but Jesus has always been faithful to me. I have a long way to go for I am only about 2 years old in The Lord and I have so much to learn. I fall down a lot and Jesus is right there to pick me up. I hope my story of finding Jesus will help you to find Him too.
My Childhood
My memories of childhood are painful and confused. Some of my memories are so painful they are locked away until a later time, when God and I can deal with them.
For the ones God and I have dealt with or are still dealing with, I’d like to share them with you.
My memory starts at age 5. There were a lot of people over at our house this one Sunday night. I thought that since my Dad was an outgoing guy and mom was always in a church, that they were just friends. We all had supper together and while the women were cleaning up, the men were all in a circle talking. I played with my doll. My mom came and told me, it was bath time, but she announced it in front of everybody and they all smiled and looked at me strangely.
I was to learn that afterwards,
My Painful and Dangerous Childhood Would Begin and CHILDHOOD as I knew It WOULD CEASE FOREVER!
Instead of getting to go to bed after my bath and having my nightgown put on, I was wrapped in a white sheet and carried to the car. I cried and asked where we were going and where was my gown.
I was ignored! I was very afraid!
We arrived at an lonely cemetery way back in the woods of Northern Mississippi. All the people who had been at our house were there, standing by an open GRAVE
and as I was carried to the GRAVE, My mom was telling me, ” Now, child you stop crying. Tonight we will know if we have been blessed and your have
THE GIFT!”
My dad took me and said, ” I do not want tears, they are weakness and if you are weak, Satan will destroy you!”
SUDDENLY, I was stripped of my sheet and the cold air of a Northern Mississippi night bit at me, sending chills all over me. I was LOWERED INTO THE GRAVE
It was dark and damp, something, lots of some things moved under my feet, they were slimy. I was afraid snakes, even though I tried to tell myself it wasn’t snakes.
BUT I KNEW IT WAS!
I had to do SOMETHING to NOT CRY OUT!
So Suddenly,
I found myself talking to an IMAGINARY FRIEND.
She told me to NOT SLEEP or I would DIE and I knew this was true, for others had died sleeping. So We, sang and counted to 100 and I walked around the grave walls feeling my way around.
After 12 hours, I was raised up and everyone was shouting and laughing.\
” She Has It! She Has The Gift!”
Life changed after that night.
Many nights came and I was trained to CENTER/MEDIATATE on objects until I could move them or tell colors, or what objects were just by sensing the presence while blindfolded. I spent hours learning chants, spells, objects, gods, deities, how to go out of my body and to ZONE OUT!
My Teenage Years
I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO ANYONE AOBUT OUR “SECRET! ”
One day, I made the mistake of telling some things to a neighbor, who immediately went to my mom and asked about them. I was called in and that night everyone was there again and I was
RAPED, BEATEN, BURNT and PLACED in a DEAD BODY for 12 hours!
Every time I moved, I was shot at! I learned NOT TO TALK ANYMORE!
At 15, I was still REBELLIOUS against these people and my parents. Still being punished, but even at age 5, I always felt I didn’t belong to this family. I was so different than them.
Where they complained about everybody and everything, and hated certain people, I loved everybody and trusted. I was happy and thankful for what I had.
I got to know God when I stayed with my Aunt and Uncle during the summers. But one day, I told my mother about God and reading the Bible and that Auntie’s Bible didn’t say what hers did. I never was allowed to go and stay with my Auntie again
I was punished by staying in a closet with rats, snakes, and a dead woman that really smelled
By 15, I had learned to take a heart and eyes out of a human or animal without much blood, to chop the head off for saving because they were sacred. I had learned to make our special ceremony candles from parts of humans and the rest of the human was chopped, bagged and dropped off in the ocean or taken to an undertaker to burn them.
I had my first child at 15 ( which was conceived in a ritual when I was but 14 years of age ) during a satanic ritual in front of all the attendees. That night, I was given the PURIFICATION BATH. Placed on a cold table in a cold dim lighted room Everyone was there and naked. I was told,
” Satan wanted his Son and it was time!”
A man came and I felt unbearable pain as objects were placed in me.
SUDDENLY, MY FRIEND
Appeared as she had always done when things were very painful and scary.
I looked to my left at the other table. I saw my son and one of the men stabbed him and cut his heart out and they ate it!
I crawled to my son’s lifeless body and wrapped him in the robe I had before the ceremony. We sat there in the circle for 12 hours. Then I was carried to my room. I felt so sick. I had a fever
They called one of the men in our coven who was a doctor. He treated my infection and after a week of rest, life was back to NORMAL!
I had no friends, not even at school. I was a LONER!
The other kids laughed at me and made fun of me. I was shy and afraid of people. Eventually, the girl who use to Love, Trust, Be Happy, and Thankful was filled with HATE DEPRESSION and A NEED to DIE!
I learned to LIE at age 7 because I found out my parents and everyone else would believe my lies before they would the TRUTH.
Also, I would avoid punishment.
Soon LYING was so NATURAL and REAL part of me, that I FORGOT what the TRUTH was anymore.
As I came to my 17th year of age, I was now filled with
HATE,
DECEIT,
LYING,
ANGER,
RAGE,
PRIDE,
SELF-CENTEREDNESS,
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND WAYS,
ABUSED,
DEEP DEPRESSION
AND
SUICIDE.
Life seemed so helpless for me.
I would NEVER TRUST a man or anyone again, never marry, never have children, never be happy. I hated myself for what they did to me, for allowing it and I hated them for doing it and Satan for taking my life.
At 17, we ( my family and I ) traveled to New Orleans, Louisiana back into the swap land to see my Aunt on my Dad’s side. She had her house filled with snakes and heads of humans and animals. Strange things everywhere bottles and ars of herbs and things.
She read my future from tarot cards and spoke strange words over me.
I was pregnant again and with a daughter this time.
Satan
took her also and I sank deeper into depression
One night, I just gave in. I told Satan he won and I became truly one of them.
I learned and studied and was sent to college in Salem, Massachusetts to be a witch.
I graduated and became a High Priestess.
I watched a lot of people, animals, babies die, all for Satan.
I watched as he drained LIFE from me.
To make money, the Witch Coven would sell BABY PARTS and HUMAN PARTS of humans to be used for transplants. It is a thriving business, very successful.
I go hooked on alcohol and drugs to relieve my pain, but they only worked temporarily, so I used more. I overdosed 5 times but
But, I was beginning to notice there was a FORCE working in my life I didn’t recognize. I only knew IT would NOT LET ME DIE!
At age 19, I became a STRIPPER and was PIMPED out to my boss’s friends who were associated with the Mafia.
Life became a down hill party filled with drugs, alcohol, sex, depression and even a stronger need to die!
One night after a party, I found myself actually alone sitting in a chair looking out over New York City. There I noticed I was looking at my body in the chair. I was looking at myself and this force came, I found myself traveling over New York, then back to the cemetery,
back in time,
until I came to one night where I had told Satan,
if he wouldn’t punish me, I would give him freely my NEXT CHILD.
I felt frozen, reality came you see, I was pregnant again with a daughter.
Demon spirits came to me all night,
I fought with them until I was exhausted.
I woke up startled, and I felt my stomach, still had her, it was morning. I flew to Florida and told my mom what happened. My mother told me she would help BABY GIRL come faster. I thought she was really going to save me and my baby. After some words and a nasty smelling drink, I had a beautiful daughter.
As we laid together that night, I heard a voice I did not recognize say,
” YOUR DAUGHTER IS IN DANGER AND SO ARE YOU, YOU MUST LEAVE NOW!”
I do not know much of what happened. I was like automatically moving. I got my daughter and I ended up at an adoption agency. My heart ached so badly. I did not want to give her up but I couldn’t let Satan have her.
so I placed her up for adoption. I went back to my mothers. My mother was very angry with me, and it became much more than just being mad.
I told her Satan would never have my daughter
and I was tied to bed and every man and woman came and raped me, shouting names at me, beating me, sticking objects ( even snakes ) in me.
They called me, USELESS and much more as the night went by. At the end of the night, a man came and ejaculated on me, spit on me and burnt me inside with a hot poker.
AGAIN, MY FRIEND CAME, WE SANG SONGS AND TALKED!
Morning came and I was alone, sore, naked and I wanted to die.
I managed to get my notepad and pen. I stayed in bed, just writing my feelings. After that, I learned I expressed myself and could really talk on paper. I got another infection all over my body this time. Mom and Dad told me I had mange like a dog, it was punishment.
They poured dog mange medication over me. I screamed in pain silently, it burned and it blistered me. I bled and stuck to the sheets and smelled like death.
The next afternoon, I was carried outside where Dad poured gas over me. I rolled in the dirt and grass for the pain was unbearable.
I woke up in my bed with my Aunt ( my favorite one ) and my parents arguing. My Aunt put me in the hospital and stayed with me everyday, every minute.
Every time I woke up, she was there smiling and with a present.
When I was released, I had to return home. I did not want to go, but I had to.
Mom was furious when she saw me with my presents and made me give them back to my Aunt and other argument came.
That night, Satan came himself and he was furious.
He promised to kill me cause I had betrayed him after all he had done for me.
How could I believe I belonged with anyone else but him? How could I believe anyone would ever want me, love, need me, but him?
I was EVIL, I was born EVIL and to him. I was his child,
I had THE GIFT and that is why I was allowed to live!
He ranted and raved all night.
I did not get any sleep because he threw things at me, and I was busy dodging them.
The next morning, my mother said, ” Had a visitor did you?” she smiled and walked off.
I went for a walk. I somehow ended up at a church. The Pastor was just coming out and he saw me walking towards him. I wanted to run, but a stronger part of me said, ” Stay.” He started talking to me about the weather, for it was raining and I didn’t have a coat, shoes or umbrella. He invited me in but I was afraid to go so he takes off his coat, shoes and puts his umbrella in the church and comes and sits on the steps with me in the rain.
Somehow that made me trust him and before long I found myself pouring my heart out to him.
I was sure he would think me crazy or be shocked or both, but he wasn’t. He was kind, loving and concerned.
He brought his wife out and she also sat with us in the rain with no shoes, coat or umbrella. She was so beautiful, gentle, soft spoken, loving and radiated with warmth.
I ended up staying with them for 4 months and they patiently taught me what they could of Jesus. But I just could not accept them or Jesus. I kept waiting for PUNISHMENT OR SOMETHING because people I knew always wanted something from you or they took it violently.
No one gave without wanting something in return and how could they or Jesus love me???
I was EVIL, I was everything they said Jesus hated and could not look at!
This was all wrong, they and their LOVE WAS NOT LOVE OR NORMAL I thought!
Still his wife kept telling me how pretty and smart I was, how she loved me and God loved me. I was never alone. Now that I accepted! I WAS NEER ALONE! I KNEW THAT BECAUSE I ALWAYS HAD MY FRIEND!
In the 5th month of staying with the Pastor and his wife, suddenly one night I was awakened by his wife. She said had to go to another house, a friend of hers. There was some people looking for me, and that God told her to take me to another place. I was not sure about this and besides I liked where I was. We arrived at the friend’s house. She was pretty also and I thought looked like one of the angels I had seen in a picture at the Pastor’s House.
Maybe I was going to stay at God’s house, I thought. I didn’t fully understand still who God was or that He didn’t live on earth in a house of his own.
I stayed with Ms Alice for 6 months until one afternoon, she rushed into my room and said, ” a man asked me about you, God says your in danger, you need to go to my friend’s house in the next state.”
By now, I am starting to really lose patience with this God. He seemed to move me around once I got comfortable and He NEVER SPOKE TO ME!
We arrived at a couple’s home in Tennessee. They lived in the mountains and had a beautiful view of valleys, canyons, animals and it was so peaceful.
I had my 21st birthday there. It was my first birthday party and I was so happy. I did not think I would have happiness again. This couple gave me my own paint horse and he was beautiful. I named him Cherokee. I rode a lot and helped them tend to the cattle, dogs, casts and occasional stray animal that would come hungry or hurt.
He was a Veterinarian, so I got to help with a lot of animals. I was really in love with this life and couple. He built me a small house way bac of their house so I would have a place of my own. It was a dream come true. I had peace, love, friends, animals, a new car and a home. I was happy for about 4 years.
Then one afternoon, I came home to find my horse dead, the house destroyed and the couple hurt. They said some people came looking for me, but they denied knowing me. My heart was so heavy and broken to think these people loved me so much, they would risk their lives for me.
I took them to the hospital and talked with the police while there.
I quietly disappeared from their life and returned to my old one.
I felt it was NO USE to run and escape people harm. My people would not five up looking for me!
Now it was even harder to be in the coven, IT FELT WRONG! But it did not take them long to bring me back to deep depression, alcohol and drugs.
I hated this and I hated recruiting others to this life I was living, it was lies to a death trap. They and I would recruit subtly anywhere.
For example, I met this girl at a restaurant, she was embarrassed because she had eaten her dinner and found out she did not have enough money to cover her ticket. I paid for it and we talked. I learned she was a RUNAWAY and short on money with no place to stay.
I became her FRIEND. I offered her my extra bedroom, food, clothes and FREEDOM for awhile.
After a couple of weeks, I invited her to one of our MEETINGS.
She came and was fascinated by everything. She was hooked now.
She became one of us eventually.
After 4 years, she made a mistake. She told things she should NOT HAVE to a new recruit and the new recruit betrayed her.
That night, she was SACRIFIED/KILLED.
I became NUMB to everything and everyone.
I felt my spirit die and be broken.
But the year 1993 came. One night I woke up and felt so strange and I heard a VOICE again I did not recognize at first. It said, ” LEAVE NOW, YOU ARE IN DANGER IF YOU STAY, YOU WILL DIE!”
For some reason, I must have believed it. I found myself dressing and I left. I ended up back at the same church. This time I was 45 years old and this time I just talked and got prayer from the Pastor and I started RUNNING AND HIDING staying months, weeks, days in different places.
I traveled on foot, slept under bridges, abandoned homes, NEVER knew where food would come from and man days, I DID NOT have any. I got sick because I didn’t have my medicine.
I ended up one night at a hospital in Pensacola, Florida. After I was well and released, I tried to settle there. I got a place and a dog eventually. I lived every day looking over my shoulder.
I went through an abusive marriage, one of many over the years.
Now I am disabled from the abuse as a child and from marriages but one afternoon, I had decided I wasn’t going to live any more in a wheelchair. There was NOT ANYTHING of value in my life. I had planned to Kill myself that night.
That very afternoon, a lady came to me and said, ” I think I am suppose to pray with you, can I ?”
I was so taken by surprise because we had only spoken an occasional “Hello” over a 3 year period and now of all times, she wanted to pray for me.
I found myself inviting her in. She was so easy to talk with, you felt love and warmth and genuine concern. I broke down and cried as I talked to her. Something I hadn’t been able to do since I was 5.
This was a Friday and she invited me to church ( to the Brownsville Revival Services that were going on in Pensacola), to my surprise, I went and ended up running to the altar. I dedicated my life to God that night at exactly the hour I had previously planned to kill myself.
The next night I went to he church again for this church ( Brownsville Assembly of God Church ) was having a nightly REVIVAL service and I went forward to receive the Baptism of The Holy Spirit and I got it and with utterance.
I got water baptized the next Friday night and since that time, I have BATTLED to stay alive and not return to Satan.
I have embarrassed him.
I have betrayed him
and I am getting the Victory over him
Through Jesus Christ
What I thought was impossible is Possible! I thought I was UNLOVABLE, EVIL, UNWANTED, NOT OF VALUE and Jesus would surely turn from me.
What I found was Jesus’s OUTSTRETCHED His hands to me saying,
” Child, I have waited so long, Welcome Home, I Love You!”
Hear that, Satan
He LOVES ME, FORGIVES ME, WANTS ME, and I am of VALUE TO HIM
He has been ever so faithful to me, protected me, gave me a ministry that is just right for me.
I love to write because that is where I can talk what I feel, so in my ministry, I adopted 29 missionaries to which I send letters of encouragement birthday and anniversary cards. It means a lot to my missionaries who are away from the comforts of home and family.
I am still battling Satan and the coven,
but I am proof YOU CAN LEAVE without DEATH!
There is a way out and here are people who truly care, love and will help you.
Best of all, you will see that Jesus IS NOT THE ENEMY, He is your BEST FRIEND and PROTECTOR.
He is Truth and Life.
Satan, Who I grew up with,
Is The Destroyer, Is Death, Our Enemy and a Liar
Please DO NOT GIVE UP if your in Satanism already too deep, there IS HOPE AND a WAY OUT. If you are consider going in,
DO NOT GO IN, DEATH ONLY AWAITS YOU~
Even though I am out today,
Satan still comes to threaten me.
I still do battle,
the difference now is I have a powerful protector who does battle for me, JESUS!
All I have to do is CALL OUT His Name and He is there
and Satan flees
Please listen, I was severally abused as a child
Because of being born into a life of Multi-generational Satanism
I was abused as an adult
because I REBELLED against Satan.
But once I invited Jesus into my heart,
I became FREE to think on my own. I found TRUTH.
I lost condemnation.
Satan Lost and I am still alive to speak to you.
Satan now can’t do anything tome anymore!
I pray for my family now so that they too will find Jesus
You see,
THERE IS NO FUN IN THIS DARKNESS
NO PEACE
NO JOY
NO LOVE
ONLY EMPTINESS
AND
MISERY
FOLLOWED BY DEATH
As I look back over my life now, I can see that God had His Hand over me from birth
and He knew in the end, I would find my way home to Him
To The Kingdom of Heaven, The Realm of His Eternal Kingdom
But, first I had to travel some dangerous rocky, dark roads before I could travel the paths of Light
The reason I could not die when I tried or even when Satan tried
was that God, The Heavenly Father had not planned my life that way. He had a better ending for my life,
But, I had a lot to do before I would come to His ending for my life and me.
He was and is the Greatest Power that enabled me to survive the life I lived and the horrible things I went through
Satan had controlled my life for 39 years,
But TRUTH set me FREE. In TRUTH there is hope and life worth living.
Jesus healed me and I am not disabled physically anymore. I can walk and work in my yard.
I can CHANGE now and God is helping me to CHANGE. This is not an overnight deal, it is a process and I am on the RIGHT PATH
I have a living RELATIONSHP with a LOVING God and it is awesome!
THERE IS BUT ONE TRUE GOD AND HIS NAME IS JESUS CHRIST
CONCLUSION
Many years have passed since my flight from the coven that I was born into it and raised up in it.
Then by no choice of my own, at age 5, after testing me to see if I HAD THE GIFT OF DISSOCIATION, CREATING OTHERS within myself,
I was prepared and groomed for The Priesthood of Satanism and Witchcraft
In between my rebellious periods, there was severe abuse, rapes, emotional damage
I became empty, lonely, filled with rage and hate, depressed, suicidal and destructing.
I became in the end a COLD HEARTED KILLER who felt justified by Satan’s Rule.
Satanism is real
and it is happening to little children every day.
Some are born into the life for no other reason that to be SACRIFICED
to please Satan and for others to receive more power/demons spirits into themselves.
THIS IS REAL, MY FRIEND, I KNOW, I LIVED IT!
But I found HOPE and STRENGTH to leave.
That is not to say, I was not scared. But I did it!
I decided IT was either stay in and let Satan kill me after he used me up
or take a chance dying to get FREEDOM
I am glad I took the chance.
I have FREEDOM in CHRIST JESUS! I have LIFE! I have TRUTH now. I have PEACE AND JOY.
I have friends who are not in Satanism.
I have a new God in my life who loves me
and a new family who love and I have Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior, and as My King.
I am far richer now than I ever was in Satanism. Oh, they, the demons and Satan’s people still come for and after me today, but there is a difference now in the battle. Now I am not fearful of them and I know that they nor Satan have power over me and the battle is now fought Through Jesus Christ Not Me Alone!
There is HOPE for you too, I did it and I know you can also.
God Bless You,
Toni
