Inspired by and Given To Pastor Deborah by The Father of Agape Love Himself
Who I Was
2001
I was born already spiritually ruined/dead
I was born in spiritual darkness/ignorance
Light is my enemy
I was born spiritually hungry and all I eat is fear and torment, sadness, hopelessness and loneliness
I was born spiritually thirsty and I only drink bitter waters
Love is UNKNOWN to me, IT always hurts me
No one is tender or kind to me without strings
I have NEVER FELT SAFE from DEATH
I NEVER have safe shelter except in my hidden worlds of my mind
I want a new family, but NEVER get one
I only know Satan and his demons
I spiritually wander in dark spiritual lands of death
DEATH is always all around me
I only sin, they say and drink it’s bitter bitter waters
LUST is never satisfied, IT is always BURNING for more
I am spiritually NAKED and only WEAR demons and animal skins
I am a spiritual TEMPLE and DWELLING PLACE for Satan and demons
I am always sick in my heart/soul and spirit and no one comes to heal me
I am always in deep sleeps/trances or dissociated, hiding from everyone and everything
Fear rules my life and my thoughts continually
I run and hide to the safety of OTHER WORLDS
I am in a spiritual PRISON of my heart/mind of my soul and for my spirit
I have a BROKEN/FRACTURED heart/mind of my soul and spirit, FRACTURED into many parts and pieces of others to live for me and to take the pains of abuse and fear for I could not do it
My spiritual & physical bodies are slaves/captives of Satan and his demons
Chained with invisible spiritual fetters of iron
I am spiritually, emotionally, mentally, sexually and physically tortured and no one comes to help and free me
I walk a spiritually CROOKED path
I am spiritually vain/empty/hollow/fruitless in my spiritual imaginations
I only have thoughts of SURVIVAL and what ever IT takes to live I do
My thoughts are always evil, wicked, perverse/crooked/twisted
The DARK SIDE of me CONTROLS me
I am full of PRIDE and I am a HAUGHTY spirit
I am FILLED with all the tings & creatures of the DARKNESS
I am DEAF and BLIND and don’t even know I am
I am spiritually LAME, WEAK without any strength except what is given to me by demons
I am spiritually DEFILED and UNHOLY
My Spirit IS a LEPER
I am a true child of the Devil/The Great Dragon/Satan
I am told I am bad, evil and that no one WOULD ever love me
I am going to die and go to hell
I am a sinner, a transgressor to laws I don’t know about
I live in HORROR and THE FEAR OF DEATH
TORTURE and ABUSE are my life
To LIVE, I do whatever I am told, NO MATTER what or who gets hurt
I live in other UNSEEN WORLDS/REALMS
I HIDE in the safety of OTHER WORLDS in my mind/my heart and spirit
I am always SLEEPING, In DEEP TRANCES
OTHERS live my life for me
I have NO CHOICE if I want to live, and I do
I have ONLY DARK LIGHT, DARK UNDERSTANDING for Truth
I am spiritually SEPARATED from the Day/The Light/Agape Love, what ever those things are
DARKNESS rules my world
LUST is my KING
OBEY SATAN no matter what!
You are either FOR ME or AGAINST ME
I am alive, yet DEAD
I am DEAD, yet LIVING
I am a WALKING DEAD SPIRIT
A ZOMBIE!
DEATH and DEMONS are with me 24/7
I see and experience PAIN and TERROR unbelievable, beyond belief
FIRE and DEATH and DEMONS are my life
The spiritual POWER OF SATAN controls me
I am NOT FREE to spiritually go where I desire
I am NOT FREE of the satanic meetings, rules, laws, orders, assignments
I am a MIND CONTRTOLLED SLAVE!
An unseen MATRIX has been pulled over my soul’s heart and mind and has covered my spirit with the gross waxiness of the flesh and it’s lusts that are made of Darkness/Ignorance and Pride and I have no idea of It/ignorant completely of these Truths
I am NOT FREE, Others MORE POWERFUL than me CONTROL me and my life
I live in a shadow world of DARKNESS and DEATH, The LAND OF NOD, SPIRITUAL BABYLON, THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESS
I am CURSED by someone named NOAH from long ago to be a slave to my brothers
I live UNDER and BY the GENERATIONAL CURSES of my FOREFATHERS, who forsook the one and only True King
I live with a SENTENCE OF DEATH every day hanging over my life
It could be me on the DEATH LIST this week, this meeting, this sacrifice
I live and will die without having and knowing any true and gentle love loving me
I BELIEVE I am going to RULE IN HELL with my father, Satan
I HURT OTHERS to live
I do DRUGS to ease the PAIN
I do EVIL continually
The DARK SIDE of me, RULES me
I am a CHILD of the NIGHT/DARKNESS
I am JUST LIKE my Father’s before me
I am A CHILD OF THE DEVIL
I am A MURDERER
I am A THIEF & A LIAR
I am A DESTROYER of children and animals
I am A IDOL WORSHIPPER
I am A SPIRIUTAL ADULTERER
I am a spiritual SLAVE to a DRAGON
My Spiritual heart/mind of my soul and spirit person IS FRACTURED/BROKEN into many, many pieces
I am NOT WHOLE/ONE/IN UNITY OR AT PEACE
I am ONE YET MANY
MANY YET ONE!
A DARK SIDE & a LIGHT SIDE
All are PROGRAMMED MIND CONTROLLED SLAVES
A SYSTEM for my heart/mind of my soul and spirit that I DO NOT CONTROLLED
Others I really don’t know, live my life for me
My spiritually body, my physical body and all I have belongs to Satan
I was spiritually dedicated to Satan even before I was born
I was CONCEIVED on a Satanic Alter with Demons in the humans claiming their egg and sperm for themselves
I was BORN to be a CHILD of Satan
A CHOOSEN ONE!
My Spiritual WILL has to SURRENDER and COMPLY with Satan even today JUST TO LIVE and I WANT to Live
I am a TOTAL spiritual and physical PRISONER/CAPTIVE
I am spiritually BOUND with UNSEEN CHAINS of the FEAR OF DEATH
I Live BOUND AND CHAINED
With NO HOPE OF ESCAPE and FREEDOM
Only SLAVERY and BONDAGE
DEATH is my ONLY FREEDOM and HOPE
And I have TRIED that many, many times
I am ALWAYS in MOURNING, but I have NO TEARS TO CRY
TEARS are a SIGN of WEAKNESS and if you showed WEAKNESS, you would DIE
I CRY SILENT UNSEEN TEARS in my deep sleeps in my safe and hidden worlds
I have ONLY ASHES for beauty
I have NO JOY, NO STRENGTH except what I get from DEMONS
I have a SPIRIT of HEAVINESS weighing me down
I CARRY GUILT and SHAME in me always
I AM ALONE and NO ONE truly LOVES me or CARES about me
I am CONFUSED about EVERYTHING and KNOW NOT THE WAY to go except Satan’s Way
The ROAD OF DARKNESS AND DEATH IS MY ROAD I TRAVEL
I am spiritually OPPRESSED by demons 24/7
I am a WICKED OPPRESSOR TO OTHERS AND TO MY SELF
My heart/mind of soul and spirit are PAINED
The TERRORS OF DEATH are Upon me
I KILL OTHERS to Live
I OBEY to Live
I BECOME WHATEVER I need to be JUST TO LIVE and ESCAPE
I ONLY WANT TO PLEASE the Great Dragon to live
The ONLY PARENTS I know are DEMONS and SATAN
Even my own CHILDREN are just DEMONS to me until they cry out in screams of pain and fear
HORROR has overwhelmed me, I run and hide, I escape the best I know how
The ONLY WAY I could, I ESCAPE into OTHER WORLDS in my heart/mind
I LIVE in a spiritual WORLD UNSEEN by the eyes of the world
I LIVE in the world, but THEY DO NOT SEE THE REAL ME
I sing songs to tell them about My World, about me and to help me
I sing songs of Satan and the LIFE I LIVE
I NEED THEM TO HEAR ME, TO HELP ME, to ESCAPE TO REAL FREEDOM
But they ARE NOT REALLY LISTENING and they DO NOT HEAR my SILENT CRIES for help
I DRESS and GET TATTOOS so others WOULD SEE into my world, BUT THEY DON’T
They MOCK me and TURN AWAY from me
I CAN NOT TALK to them or CALL OUT to them for HELP for I will be PUNISHED, maybe EVEN DIE
I CUT myself to CRY OUT, to LET THE PAIN OUT
But NO ONE HEARS me CRYING
All they see is BLOOD and that I have a MENTAL HEALTH disorder/illness/disease
I am EMOTIONALLY unstable
I CAN NOT LET them even suspect who the REAL ME IS
My SYSTEM of MANY MUST be PROTECTED at all costs
DEATH will be my REWARD if I TALK
Or SOMEONE else will DIE in my Place
ANOTHER will be RAPED, BEATEN, BURNED, ABUSED
ANOTHER will be SKINNED ALIVE
I am a SPIRITUAL BEING who is a SPIRITUAL MESS
LIVING in a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical KINGDOM OF DEATH & DARKENSS/IGNORANCE
LIGHT is MY ENEMY
I am LIVING but NOT ALIVE
ALIVE BUT NOT LIVING
But One Day,
A Light Came Into My Darkness!
And IT Touched Me
Me a FRIGHTENED, LONELY and UNLOVED spiritual CREATURE
Had my SILENT CRIES been HEARD?
Had my SILENT TEARS been SEEN?
But WHAT is THIS LIGHT, This Touch, This Voice calling to me in my DARKNESS
WHOSE VOICE is THIS?
I Don’t Know This One
And WHY am I BEING DRAWN to IT?
And How Did THE VOICE find me in my safe World I am hiding in?
Is this a DEMON deceiving me?
Is IT SOMEONE else who is going to HURT me?
I am afraid to open my eyes and look
The Light, The Voice is getting closer now, and there seems to be some kind of Light coming from The Voice
I am afraid to listen to what The Voice is saying, I’ll just pretend to be a sleep
Maybe IT will go away and let me be
But IT IS NOT going away
I can FEEL something I have NEVER FELT BEFORE and I don’t know what IT is
I can still HEAR THE VOICE and there is a beautiful LIGHT coming out of THE WORDS
The VOICE is telling me that IT has been sent to me to TELL me of SOMEONE I do not know yet who LOVES ME so very much and WHO wants to spiritually MEET me
Meet Me??? Who Could that be???
Don’t they know how evil, dirty and wicked I am
Don’t they know I belong to the Dragon??
The Voice coming out of The Light
Said He who wanted to MEET me also wanted me to be IN HIS FAMILY and live in the LIGHT with Him
WHAT LIVE IN THE LIGHT?? NO WAY, THE LIGHT HURTS ME!!!
The Voice said The Light would NOT HURT me and that The Light wanted to COVER me in a warm, soft BLANKET of It’s PRESENCE, IT’S GLORY
A BLANKET??
Cover Me, What Are You Talking about VOICE in The Light?
I can’t believe it, I am Talking to a VOICE I don’t know in The Light
Something Is Wrong with Me!
I am going to get in trouble now!
The LIGHT was SOFT so far, IT was not hurting me in any way
So Far So Good!
I hope Satan doesn’t find out about this Or I will be in Trouble for Sure!!!!
The VOICE said that THIS LIGHT is something called AGAPE LOVE
And I said To The VOICE coming out of the LIGHT
What Is Agape Love???
Oh no, The Voice is TALKING to me, and I am TALKING to It
This is a very strange day for me
I had never had anything so PLEASANT and PEACEFUL come into my SECRET HIDDEN Worlds before
Then a Soft Blanket thing of This Light fully Covered me very Gently and I NEVER Felt SUCH PEACE
IS THIS AGAPE LOVE??
IS THIS WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE??
I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT THIS AGAPE LOVE IS, BUT I LIKE IT!!
The VOICE coming out of the LIGHT said that THIS AGAPE LOVE is a GIFT from someone Who Loves Me very, very much
LOVES ME!!!!
I don’t think so, for I am EVIL, TOO BAD, TOO DIRTY to be LOVED by anyone
Doesn’t this guy KNOW all the EVIL, WICKED THINGS I have done??
The VOICE in the LIGHT said He is a LOVING and GENTLE Father,
NOT LIKE SATAN or any earthly father I knew or had known.
The VOICE said that It had been sent to me as a “Spiritual Mother/Shepherd”
To Bring this GIFT of AGAPE LOVE to me
Now WHY would I DESERVE such a GIFT??
The VOICE is GENTLE and KIND and The WORDS so far are NOT HURTING me and CAUSING me to be AFRAID and Want to RUN AWAY into even deeper hidden worlds for safety
As this AGAPE LOVE is covering me, I begin to feel something I HAVE NEVER FELT before
Could This Feeling Be LOVE???
Am I truly FOUND in this DARKNESS?
Am I being loved?
Is This What LOVE FEELS like?
The Voice was Touching me in a way I have NEVER Experienced
I am so afraid to let The Words of The Voice touch me, my hidden self, and My Heart
WORDS ARE ALWAYS HURTFUL!
Full of Lies and Pain
But This VOICE’s WORDS are soft, tender and kind and are full of This Agape Love Stuff too, This Strange Light
This Love Thing
I want to Believe, I want to be Touched by This Light This Agape Love
I have been WAITING for SO LONG
Could This Light be What I have been Waiting For, Crying For, Wanting?
I am going To Take a CHANCE on This Light, This Voice, This Agape Love Stuff
So, I stepped out of My Darkness and into This Light of Agape Love!
So, I believed in my heart/my soul and spirit that This Gift of Agape Love in this Light IS something wanted
I opened myself up to RECEIVE this Agape Love, This Light, This Voice in The Light
I began to BELIEVE that all these things are REAL and they had COME JUST FOR ME
I allowed Them ALL to touch me
I Believed The Words of The Voice in The Light
I took a Big Step and Believed That I am LOVED!
The Voice told me that This Heavenly Father and His Agape Love, His Light could Set me spiritually FREE of the Darkness the FEAR of Death and From Satan and his demons
Now That Is Just TOO MUCH for me to BELIEVE!!!
But I took a big chance and allowed this Voice in The Light and The Gift IT Brought to me, to LOVE me
Someone HEARD my cries for help
Someone SAW my tearless tears
Someone CAME to help me
Someone LOVES me!!
A GIFT of Agape Love in Light CAME to me in my darkness
A Voice in the Light of a Spiritual Mother/Shepherd spoke Words of Light to me that didn’t HURT my heart/soul or spirit
I can’t even explain what the Rays of This Light Feels Like
I have NEVER felt anything like it before
Am I going to be Ok? The Same?
The Voice in the Light told me that I am LOVED SO VERY MUCH and that Someone I don’t know YET Died For me so this Gift, This Light, This Agape Love could come to me and through IT I can be RECONCILED BACK to His Father who sent These Gifts to me.
The Voice in The Light kept telling me about this Father who sent these gifts of His The Light, Agape Love and The Voice
The Voice in The Light Kept telling me that This Father through His Son’s death had ALREADY spiritually Defeated Satan and his demons and their power over me long, long ago.
I said, YEA RIGHT!!!
That I DID NOT BELIEVE!!!
I knew Satan and his demons and they are powerful and there is NO POWER more powerful than them and NO ONE who COULD STOP them, defeat them, over power them,
NO SIR! NO NOBODY!!!
The Voice in The Light TOLD me of a Beautiful Place I can live in and be safe instead of the worlds I now live in
A Garden called Eden
A Garden of this Heavenly Father
Where I am in His Pleasure & Delight
And His Face Shines on me 24/7
No Darkness Ever!
Well That Really sounded good, Not too sure where it is but The Voice in The Light Told me not to worry, The Garden of Eden will always be there for me from this time on
The Voice in the Light said that I can now live in this Garden of Eden Forever if I wanted to and that this Father would always be there for me and in this Garden was His Glory and Agape Love
And in this Garden was His Glory and Agape Love
This Garden of Eden would be my very own CITY OF REFUGE
I will be safe there from Satan and his demons
Wow! I am not too sure about all this
Light, Love, A Garden, A Voice in The Light
Sure sounds almost TOO GOOD to be true!!!
The Voice in The Light spoke softly to me
The Words in The Light are Kind and I Feel Safe
The Words of This Light seemed so different than all the Words I have ever heard
The Voice told me this Agape Love had the Power to Free and Heal Me
I Really didn’t believe this at all, but I kept listening
The Voice in The Light told me that this is ALL POSSIBLE because of the death of The Father’s Son long ago for me
Someone DIED for me????
Yes, The Voice in The Light said
This Son died so I can be spiritually Free and be able to spiritually come back to His Father’s Garden of Eden and I can receive the Gift of Light and Agape Love
This Son of This Father took my place in spiritual death on a cross long ago, but in His Heart even from the beginning of The World and Time
Because of His Great Love for His Father
And He was sent to DIE for me because of the Great Love of The Father for me!
This Love Stuff is just too much for me to believe
But I do know about innocent ones dying so others could live
That I knew About!!
The Voice in The Light said that This Sacrifice for Love made a way for me to Become new again, born – again, saved
No Idea what The Voice in The Light is Talking About
But somehow I know That What The Voice was saying is True
The Voice in The Light said the Darkness would end in my life and I would always have This Light with me from now on
Now that sounded ok with me!
The Voice said I Now could be spiritually TRANSLATED into a Kingdom of Light & Love and that I would have a new family
A Heavenly Father, the Giver of these Gifts and This Mother in The Light and others who Live in The Light and Agape Love
A Family created by, in and through Agape Love and Light
The Voice continued talking with me and said this New Kingdom of Light and Love Had a wonderful King who was my older brother
And that I too would become a Great King of this Kingdom
This I too knew about because in the world I grew up in there are Kings, Queens, Servants and Slaves
I happen to a Mighty King or a Queen of this Dark Kingdom
The Voice continued talking to me and said that from this day forward I could be a New spiritual creature/creation, one created in and by Agape Love & This Light
A New spiritual person who would be full of this Light myself!
The Voice in The Light continued to speak to me and said that I would not be alone in this new K=Life, but I would have a helper, a comforter, a teacher, a Governor of This Kingdom of Light and Agape Love
This guy, The Voice in the Light said, He is called The Holy Spirit of The Heavenly Father who has sent me these Gifts of Light, Agape Love and This Voice in The Light
Oh, No, ANOTHER spirit coming into me
I am not sure about this, done this before and it hasn’t turned out well for me
The Voice coming out of The Light started taking on a form
One that seemed to be made of The Light Itself
One that looked like, LIKE A MOTHER!!!!
a Mother??
Well, I haven’t had very good luck with these before
All the mothers I know are Mother’s of Darkness or Sister’s Of Light
Not nice at all!!!!!
Dark they are, but this ONE seemed so different
The Light seemed different
There seemed to be this Agape Love coming out of this Mother
The Light felt very powerful
The Words seemed to fill my heart/mind & soul with peace and this Love
The Voice of this Mother In The Light Lady seemed to draw me closer to the Light
And she too was shinning with The Light
This Mother’s Words do not hurt me
The Voice of this Mother of the Light told me I could be created this new thing so I could become one with This Father who sent all these Gifts to me through His very own Agape Love and then I could truly love Him in Spirit and Truth
and Then
I would be able to love myself and love others as He does
Love sure seems to be for everyone
Now that is new to me
I was told that the OLD MAN, the old evil me, and boy am I evil
Could pass away and all of the Kingdom of Darkness, and all that is apart of my life from that Kingdom would be put into a grave and sealed up and never to rise up again from the grave
Even all my Dark Side Others
Even all my Many Others
And I would be resurrected new, cleansed, not evil in this Father’s Eyes or Mine anymore
And The Fear of Death would NO Longer hold me captive
I could live in my heart and spirit with a great and beautiful future ahead of me
The Voice in The Light, This Mother Thing told me I could sit on The Right Hand of This Heavenly Father who has sent all these Gifts to me this day and this place where I could sit was on a Throne in The Heavenly Father’s Kingdom of Light and Agape Love, A Throne of Grace The Voice called it
Also, The Voice in The Light said I would be able to come directly into This Father’s Presence boldly and in peace without fear of death as His Child
The Voice in the Light was telling me that This Father would help me to live in His Kingdom of Light and Agape Love
For He Knows I don’t know how
He would teach me more and more of His Freedom and Healing
And I would be taught more of Who He truly says I am now, not Who I was
Well, The Voice in The Light asked me if I would like to be This Father’s Child, a Child of The Light through Agape Love
And would I like to be hers, The Voice in The Light’s spiritual child also
Well I wasn’t real sure about this new family, but somehow I knew that I wanted them and needed them
So I said, YES, I wanted to be This Father’s of the Gifts and This Voice in the Light’s child
I wanted to be a new creature, one who was not dirty, evil or unloved anymore
So, I opened up my heart and spirit and opened This Gift of Light and Agape Love from This Father and The Voice in The Light, This Mother Lady
And all of a sudden, I felt the Agape Love & Light being poured out in me, my heart of my soul and my spirit
I can’t explain it, It felt like a warm soft Blanket covering me in a Peace and in this thing called Love
Rays of Light came into my heart of my soul/my mind and into my spirit
And there is NO PAIN or FEAR with these Rays of Light
I felt dark things leaving me, my heart and spirit felt less afraid, less lonely, less dirty
I feel clean, I can’t explain any of it, but I know I was Different now
The Voice in The Light said to me that I have been born-again now and this Father’s Holy Spirit was now living inside of my spirit and is shinning out The Father’s Agape Love & Light into my heart and mind of my soul
I had become a True Illuminati now !
I had become This Light Myself !
The Voice in The Light told me she would always be here for me to help me and The Holy Spirit to mature me in this new Life
The Voice of this mother in The Light told me she is a “spiritual shepherd” and would spiritually watch out for me until I could take care of myself.
The Voice in The Light said she would spiritually help me 24/7 and help me so the Father’s Light and Love can set me more free of Satan and his demons
Boy was that going to be a WAR!!!
I heard a Voice inside my soull and spiritual heart that I had never heard before
And It told me that this Mother/The Shepherd was a mighty Royal Priest unto this Father Himself, A Mighty King and Warrior of this Kingdom of Light and Agape Love, The Kingdom of Heaven, A Legal, Authorized and Deputized Spiritual Ambassador of This Kingdom of Heaven and that I could trust her and I was to listen to her and she was here to help me spiritually on The Father’s Behalf
Her Voice and Light of The Father would bring The Father’s Glory Blanket until I could learn to bring it myself
Her Voice and The Light she brings are Words filled with the Father’s Words of Truth and Light and Love
The Heavenly Father completely Trusts her
For The Father and her are one in Spirit
There is NO SPIRITUAL SEPARATION between them
This new family, new stuff, this Light, This Love, This Voice in The Light is just TOO MUCH FOR ME to handle,
So I am going back into my deep sleep but now my heart and mind and soul are at peace
Fear seemed far away from my thoughts now
I feel safe and covered in this Blanket of Glory
I felt clean for the first time
I looked and saw I had new clothes on spiritually
Beautiful clothes of This Light
I know I am not alone anymore
I had a smile on my face
I know that something called Joy, The Voice in The Light told me had come into my heart and soul and It would never leave me now
Agape Love was filling me up and I felt alive for the first time in my life!!
I felt comforted now
I know that someone DOES LOVE ME!
I know I am NOT DIRTY, EVIL, WICKED anymore
I know That I will be different now, don’t know what I will be but it is going to be better than
WHO I WAS!!!
A Father had heard my silent cries
A Father had seen my tearless tears
A Father had sent A Voice in The Light
A Father had sent His Agape Love into my darkness
A Father’s Agape Love & Light came into my heart and soul
And This Light and Agape Love SET ME FREE!!!
