Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Who I Was, Silent Cries Out of the Darkness – Deep Calling Unto Deep

 

 

Inspired by and Given To Pastor Deborah by The Father of Agape Love Himself

 

 

Who I Was

2001

 

I was born already spiritually ruined/dead

I was born in spiritual darkness/ignorance

Light is my enemy

I was born spiritually hungry and al I eat is fear and torment, sadness, hopelessness and loneliness

 

I was born spiritually thirsty and I only bitter waters

Love is UNKNOWN to me, IT always hurts me

No one is tender or kind to me without strings

I have NEVER FELT SAFE from DEATH

 

I NEVER have safe shelter except in my hidden worlds of my mind

I want a new family, but NEVER get one

I only know Satan and his demons

I spiritually wander in dark spiritual lands of death

DEATH is always all around me

 

I only sin, they say and drink it’s bitter bitter waters

LUST is never satisfied, IT is always BURNING for more

I am spiritually NAKED and only WEAR demons and animal skins

I am a spiritual TEMPLE and DWELLING PLACE for Satan and demons

I am always sick in my heart/soul and spirit and no one comes to heal me

 

I am always in deep sleeps/trances or dissociated, hiding from everyone and everything

Fear rules my life and my thoughts continually

I run and hide to the safety of OTHER WORLDS

I am in a spiritual PRISON of my heart/mind of my soul and for my spirit

I have a BROKEN/FRACTURED heart/mind of my soul and spirit, FRACTURED into many parts and pieces of others to live for me and to  take the pains of abuse and fear for I could not do it

My spiritual & physical bodies are slaves/captives of Satan and his demons

Chained with invisible spiritual fetters of iron

I am spiritually, emotionally, mentally, sexually and physically tortured and no one comes to help and free me

 

I walk a spiritually CROOKED path

I am spiritually vain/empty/hollow/fruitless in my spiritual imaginations 

I only have thoughts of SURVIVAL and what ever IT takes to live I do

My thoughts are always evil, wicked, perverse/crooked/twisted

The DARK SIDE of me CONTROLS me

I am full of PRIDE and I am a HAUGHTY spirit

I am FILLED with all the tings & creatures of the DARKNESS

 

I am DEAF and BLIND and don’t even know I am

I am spiritually LAME, WEAK without any strength except what is given to me by demons

I am spiritually DEFILED and UNHOLY

My Spirit IS a  LEPER

I am a true child of the Devil/The Great Dragon/Satan

 

I am told I am bad, evil and that no one WOULD ever love me

I am going to die and go to hell

I am a sinner, a transgressor to laws I don’t know about

I live in HORROR and THE FEAR OF DEATH

TORTURE and ABUSE are my life

To LIVE, I do whatever I am told, NO MATTER what or who gets hurt

 

I live in other UNSEEN WORLDS/REALMS

I HIDE in the safety of OTHER WORLDS in my mind/my heart and spirit

I am always SLEEPING, In DEEP TRANCES

OTHERS live my life for me

I have NO CHOICE if I want to live, and I do

 

I have ONLY DARK LIGHT, DARK UNDERSTANDING for Truth

I am spiritually SEPARATED from the Day/The Light/Agape Love, what ever those things are

DARKNESS rules my world

LUST is my KING

OBEY SATAN no matter what!

 

You are either FOR ME or AGAINST ME

I am alive, yet DEAD

I am DEAD, yet LIVING

I am a WALKING DEAD SPIRIT

A ZOMBIE!

DEATH and DEMONS are with me 24/7

 

I see and experience PAIN and TERROR unbelievable, beyond belief

FIRE and DEATH and DEMONS are my life

The spiritual POWER OF SATAN controls me

I am NOT FREE to spiritually go where I desire

I am NOT FREE of the satanic meetings, rules, laws, orders, assignments

I am a MIND CONTRTOLLED SLAVE!

 

An unseen MATRIX has been pulled over my soul’s heart and mind and has covered my spirit with the gross waxiness of the flesh and it’s lusts that are made of Darkness/Ignorance and Pride and I have no idea of It/ignorant completely of these Truths

I am NOT FREE, Others MORE POWERFUL than me CONTROL me and my life

I live in a shadow world of DARKNESS and DEATH, The LAND OF NOD, SPIRITUAL BABYLONG, THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESS

I am CURSED by someone named NOAH from long ago to be a slave to my brothers

I live UNDER and BY the GENERATIONAL CURSES of my FOREFATHERS, who forsook the one and only True King

 

I live with a SENTENCE OF DEATH every day hanging over my life

It could be me on the DEATH LIST this week, this meeting, this sacrifice 

I live and will die without having  and knowing any true and gentle love loving me

I BELIEVE I am going to RULE IN HELL with my father, Satan

I HURT OTHERS to live 

I do DRUGS to ease the PAIN

I do EVIL continually

The DARK SIDE of me, RULES me

I am a CHILD of the NIGHT/DARKNESS

I am JUST LIKE my Father’s before me

I am A CHILD OF THE DEVIL

 

I am A MURDERER

I am A THIEF & A LIAR

I am A DESTROYER of children and animals

I am A IDOL WORSHIPPER

I am A SPIRIUTAL ADULTERER

I am a spiritual SLAVE to a DRAGON

 

My Spiritual heart/mind of my soul and spirit person IS FRACTURED/BROKEN into many, many pieces

I am NOT WHOLE/ONE/IN UNITY OR AT PEACE

I am ONE YET MANY

MANY YET ONE!

A DARK SIDE & a LIGHT SIDE

All are PROGRAMMED MIND CONTROLLED SLAVES

A SYSTEM for my heart/mind of my soul and spirit that I DO NOT CONTROLLED

Others I really don’t know,  live my life for me

My spiritually body, my physical body and all I have belongs to Satan

I was spiritually dedicated to Satan even before I was born

I was CONCEIVED on a Satanic Alter with Demons in the humans claiming their egg and sperm for themselves

I was BORN to be a CHILD of Satan

A CHOOSEN ONE!

 

My Spiritual WILL has to SURRENDER and COMPLY with Satan even today JUST TO LIVE and I WANT to Live

I am a TOTAL  spiritual and physical PRISONER/CAPTIVE

I am spiritually BOUND with UNSEEN CHAINS of the FEAR OF DEATH

I Live BOUND AND CHAINED

With NO HOPE OF ESCAPE and FREEDOM

Only SLAVERY and BONDAGE

DEATH is my ONLY FREEDOM and HOPE

And I have TRIED that many, many times

 

I am ALWAYS in MOURNING, but I have NO TEARS TO CRY

TEARS are a SIGN of WEAKNESS and if you showed WEAKNESS, you would DIE

I CRY SILENT UNSEEN TEARS in my deep sleeps in my safe and hidden worlds

I have ONLY ASHES for beauty

I have NO JOY, NO STRENGTH except what I get from DEMONS

I have a SPIRIT of HEAVINESS weighing me down

I CARRY GUILT and SHAME in me always

I AM ALONE and NO ONE truly LOVES me or CARES about me

I am CONFUSED about EVERYTHING and KNOW NOT THE WAY to go except Satan’s Way

The ROAD OF DARKNESS AND DEATH IS MY ROAD I TRAVEL

I am spiritually OPPRESSED by demons 24/7

I am a WICKED OPPRESSOR TO OTHERS AND TO MY SELF

 

My heart/mind of soul and spirit are PAINED

The TERRORS OF DEATH are Upon me

I KILL OTHERS to Live

I OBEY to Live

I BECOME WHATEVER I need to be JUST TO LIVE and ESCAPE

I ONLY WANT TO PLEASE the Great Dragon to live

The ONLY PARENTS I know are DEMONS and SATAN

Even my own CHILDREN are just DEMONS to me until they cry out in screams of pain and fear

 

HORROR has overwhelmed me, I run and hide, I escape the best I know how

The ONLY WAY I could, I ESCAPE into OTHER WORLDS in my heart/mind

I LIVE in a spiritual WORLD UNSEEN by the eyes of the world

I LIVE in the world, but THEY DO NOT SEE THE REAL ME

I sing songs to tell them about My World, about me and to help me

I sing songs of Satan and the LIFE I LIVE

I NEED THEM TO HEAR ME, TO HELP ME, to ESCAPE TO REAL FREEDOM

But they ARE NOT REALLY LISTENING and they DO NOT HEAR my SILENT CRIES for help

I DRESS and GET TATTOOS so others WOULD SEE into my world, BUT THEY DON’T

They MOCK me and TURN AWAY from me

I CAN NOT TALK to them or CALL OUT to them for HELP for I will be PUNISHED, maybe EVEN DIE

I CUT myself to CRY OUT, to LET THE PAIN OUT

But NO ONE HEARS me CRYING

All they see is BLOOD and that I have a MENTAL HEALTH disorder/illness/disease

I am EMOTIONALLY unstable

I CAN NOT LET them even suspect who the REAL ME IS

My SYSTEM of MANY MUST be PROTECTED at all costs

DEATH will be my REWARD if I TALK

Or SOMEONE else will DIE in my Place

ANOTHER will be RAPED, BEATEN, BURNED, ABUSED

ANOTHER will be SKINNED ALIVE

I am a SPIRITUAL BEING who is a SPIRITUAL MESS

LIVING in a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical KINGDOM OF DEATH & DARKENSS/IGNORANCE

LIGHT is MY ENEMY

I am LIVING but NOT ALIVE

ALIVE BUT NOT LIVING

But One Day,

A Light Came Into My Darkness!

And IT Touched Me

Me a FRIGHTENED, LONELY and UNLOVED spiritual CREATURE

Had my SILENT CRIES been HEARD?

Had my SILENT TEARS been SEEN?

But WHAT is THIS LIGHT, This Touch, This Voice calling to me in my DARKNESS

WHOSE VOICE is THIS?

I Don’t Know This One

And WHY am I BEING DRAWN to IT?

And How Did THE VOICE find me in my safe World I am hiding in?

Is this a DEMON deceiving me?

Is IT SOMEONE else who is going to HURT me?

I am afraid to open my eyes and look

The Light, The Voice is getting closer now, and there seems to be some kind of Light coming from The Voice

I am afraid to listen to what The Voice is saying,  I’ll just pretend to be a sleep

Maybe IT will go away and let me be

 

But IT IS NOT going away

I can FEEL something I have NEVER FELT BEFORE and I don’t know what IT is

I can still HEAR THE VOICE and there is a beautiful LIGHT coming out of THE WORDS

 

The VOICE is telling me that IT has been sent to me to TELL me of SOMEONE I do not know yet who LOVES ME so very much and WHO wants to spiritually MEET me

Meet Me??? Who Could that be???

Don’t they know how evil, dirty and wicked I am

Don’t they know I belong to the Dragon??

The Voice coming out of The Light 

Said He who wanted to MEET me also wanted me to be IN HIS FAMILY and live in the LIGHT with Him

 

WHAT LIVE IN THE LIGHT??  NO WAY, THE LIGHT HURTS ME!!!

 

The Voice said The Light would NOT HURT me and that The Light wanted to COVER me in a warm, soft BLANKET of It’s PRESENCE, IT’S GLORY

 

A BLANKET??

Cover Me, What Are You Talking about VOICE in The Light?

I can’t believe it, I am Talking to a VOICE I don’t know in The Light

Something Is Wrong with Me!

I am going to get in trouble now!

The LIGHT was SOFT so far, IT was not hurting me in any way

So Far So Good!

I hope Satan doesn’t find out about this Or I will be in Trouble for Sure!!!!

 

The VOICE said that THIS LIGHT is something called AGAPE LOVE

And I said To The VOICE coming out of the LIGHT

What Is Agape Love???

 

Oh no,  The Voice is TALKING to me, and I am TALKING to It

This is a very strange day for me

I had never had anything so PLEASANT and PEACEFUL come into my SECRET HIDDEN Worlds before

Then a Soft Blanket thing of This Light fully Covered me very Gently and I NEVER Felt SUCH PEACE

IS THIS AGAPE LOVE??

IS THIS WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE??

I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT THIS AGAPE LOVE IS, BUT I LIKE IT!!

The VOICE coming out of the LIGHT said that THIS AGAPE LOVE is a GIFT from someone Who Loves Me very, very much

LOVES ME!!!!

I don’t think so, for I am EVIL, TOO BAD, TOO DIRTY to be LOVED by anyone

Doesn’t this guy KNOW all the EVIL, WICKED THINGS I have done??

The VOICE in the LIGHT said He is a LOVING and GENTLE Father, 

NOT LIKE SATAN or any earthly father I knew or had known.

The VOICE said that It had been sent to me as a “Spiritual Mother/Shepherd”

To Bring this GIFT of AGAPE LOVE to me

Now WHY would I DESERVE such a GIFT??

The VOICE is GENTLE and KIND and The WORDS so far are NOT HURTING me and CAUSING me to be AFRAID and Want to RUN AWAY into even deeper hidden worlds for safety

As this AGAPE LOVE is covering me, I begin to feel something I HAVE NEVER FELT before

Could This Feeling Be LOVE???

Am I truly FOUND in this DARKNESS?

Am I being loved?

Is This What LOVE FEELS like?

 

The Voice was Touching me in a way I have NEVER Experienced

I am so afraid to let The Words of The Voice touch me, my hidden self, and My Heart

WORDS ARE ALWAYS HURTFUL!

Full of Lies and Pain

But This VOICE’s WORDS are soft, tender and kind and are full of This Agape Love Stuff too, This Strange Light

This Love Thing

I want to Believe, I want to be Touched by This Light This Agape Love

I have been WAITING for SO LONG

Could This Light be What I have been Waiting For, Crying For, Wanting?

I am going To Take a CHANCE on This Light, This Voice, This Agape Love Stuff

So, I stepped out of My Darkness and into This Light of Agape Love!

So, I believed in my heart/my soul and spirit that This Gift of Agape Love in this Light IS something  wanted

I opened myself up to RECEIVE this Agape Love, This Light, This Voice in The Light

I began to BELIEVE that all these things are REAL and they had COME JUST FOR ME

I allowed Them ALL to touch me

I Believed The Words of The Voice in The Light

I took a Big Step and Believed That I am LOVED!

The Voice told me that This Heavenly Father and His Agape Love, His Light could Set me spiritually FREE of the Darkness the FEAR of Death and From Satan and his demons

Now That Is Just TOO MUCH for me to BELIEVE!!!

 

But I took a big chance and allowed this Voice in The Light and The Gift IT Brought to me, to LOVE me

Someone HEARD my cries for help

Someone SAW my tearless tears

Someone CAME to help me

Someone LOVES me!!

A GIFT of Agape Love in Light CAME to me in my darkness

A Voice in the Light of a Spiritual Mother/Shepherd spoke Words of Light to me that didn’t HURT my heart/soul or spirit

I can’t even explain what the Rays of This Light Feels Like

I have NEVER felt anything like it before

Am I going to be Ok?  The Same?

The Voice in the Light told me that I am LOVED SO VERY MUCH and that Someone I don’t know YET Died For me so this Gift, This Light, This Agape Love could come to me and through IT I can be RECONCILED BACK to His Father who sent These Gifts to me.

The Voice in The Light kept telling me about this Father who sent these gifts of His The Light, Agape Love and The Voice

The Voice in The Light Kept telling me that This Father through His Son’s death had ALREADY spiritually Defeated Satan and his demons and their power over me long, long ago.

I said, YEA RIGHT!!!

That I DID NOT BELIEVE!!!

I knew Satan and his demons and they are powerful and there is NO POWER more powerful than them and NO ONE who COULD STOP them, defeat them, over power them,

NO SIR!  NO NOBODY!!!

The Voice in The Light TOLD me of a Beautiful Place I can live in and be safe instead of the worlds I now live in

A Garden called Eden

A Garden of this Heavenly Father

Where I am in His Pleasure & Delight

And His Face Shines on me 24/7

No Darkness Ever!

Well That Really sounded good, Not too sure where it is but The Voice in The Light Told me not to worry, The Garden of Eden will always be there for me from this time on

The Voice in the Light said that I can now live in this Garden of Eden Forever if I wanted to and that this Father would always be there for me and in this Garden was His Glory and Agape Love

And in this Garden was His Glory and Agape Love

This Garden of Eden would be my very own CITY OF REFUGE

I will be safe there from Satan and his demons

Wow!  I am not too sure about all this

Light, Love, A Garden, A Voice in The Light

Sure sounds almost TOO GOOD to be true!!!

 

The Voice in The Light spoke softly to me

The Words in The Light are Kind and I Feel Safe

The Words of This Light seemed so different than all the Words I have ever heard

The Voice told me this Agape Love had the Power to Free and Heal Me

I Really didn’t believe this at all, but I kept listening

 

The Voice in The Light told me that this is ALL POSSIBLE because of the death of The Father’s Son long ago for me

Someone DIED for me????

Yes, The Voice in The Light said

 

This Son died so I can be spiritually Free and be able to spiritually come back to His Father’s Garden of Eden and I can receive the Gift of Light and Agape Love

This Son of This Father took my place in spiritual death on a cross long ago, but in His Heart even from the beginning of The World and Time

Because of His Great Love for His Father

And He was sent to DIE for me because of the Great Love of The Father for me!

 

This Love Stuff is just too much for me to believe

But I do know about innocent ones dying so others could live 

That I knew About!!

 

The Voice in The Light said that This Sacrifice for Love made a way for me to Become new again, born – again, saved

No Idea what The Voice in The Light is Talking About

But somehow I know That What The Voice was saying is True

The Voice in The Light said the Darkness would end in my life and I would always have This Light with me from now on

Now that sounded ok with me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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